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Jigjag

Speedreading is indeed better than 'speeddating' - there's no chance of rejection for a start.

My lunch yesterday may appeal to you, certainly more than the smashed avocado. I tried a new café, La Bouilloire En Cuivre. I had a really nice meal. I opted for the special of the day, Haricots cuits au four sur moulin du roi, accompanied by an unlimited amount of the du constructeur. It was terrific value, £3.50 in total. That's probably what I'd have paid in one of the chains for a skinny decaff latte with soya milk.

Malone

It sounds like a wonderful lunch. I don't understand any of the French, so I will have to look them up.

You beat me on quality but I won on price. At the market cafe I had Poached Egg on Toast (one egg, one slice of toast) - 90p, and a cup of tea - 80p. Of course, I had the healthy option - no butter on the toast.

Jigjag, as a regular at the market, do you get 'mates' rates'? Your breakfast does indeed sound a bargain. My 'wonderful' lunch was more mundane than it may appear - baked beans on Kingsmill bread (I forgot to add 'toasted' when I was on Googletranslate, sorry!).

That's very clever Malone.

A superb lunch at the Copper Kettle or Kopper Kettle, I think you say. What's "du constructeur"? - I cant find an appropriate translation.

I hope you got 2 slices of toast.

I pay the full amount, I am not sure if the traders get a discount. One of the reasons I go is to listen to the banter between owner and waitress. It sometimes gets a bit heated but always ends well. I am going again on Saturday and will let you know if anything interesting happens.

Jigjag, thanks. I'm not skilled enough (on my keyboard) so couldn't put the accent in 'the du constructeur' - that's just 'builder's tea' - the stronger the better for me.

I did get two slices of toast, buttered toast, with my beans. There was also a wide-ranging set of condiments, though I've never known anyone put mayo or tartare sauce on beans on toast. I think the café just puts one of everything on their little tray.

There was a surprising lack of banter in the Copper Kettle, but that was perhaps because all the employees were speaking French. There must have been a dramatic incident at some point - the word 'Merde' cropped up many times. I do hope no-one was actually murdered.

Have a nice time - and a nice meal - on Saturday.

You've reminded me, malone. I used to drive a Toyota MR2 - and really enjoyed it. The model was known as an "MR2" in all countries except Francophone ones, where it was just an "MR" for some reason!

Malone

I am getting rather concerned for your welfare. You had to put up with bad language and a possible murder in the Copper Kettle. This follows the incident in the coffee-shop last week where there was a shot.

Please look after yourself as we need your valuable contributions to the Forum.

ChrisE, thanks - I liked the tact involved in not using 'MR2' in France. Your post reminded me of the sweets I used to see in Ikea - they were called Scum or Skum, and sounded disgusting!

Jigjag,

Thanks very much for your care and concern. I feel quite safe when I'm out and about, trusting that my dazzling wit and sparkling repartee will see off any threats.

Malone, Grunger, Tyke

You will be disappointed to hear that I did not get the Bedroom Assistant job. Ida Down of the Glitz Hotel rang with the bad news this morning.

The short-listed applicants had been given a trial, and she gave me the feedback about my interaction with guests.

“You have received compliments from a Scottish woman and a dancer from Lancashire. A foreign gentleman, Signor Howerd from Pompeii hoped that you will “keep it up” as it were” she chuckled.

I don’t know what’s so funny, and despite all the fuss about a male-only short-list, they gave the job to a lady from Doncaster, Sheila Blige. She had glowing references from a cricket-loving Yorkshireman.

I am sure she will make a brilliant Bedroom Assistant but what qualities has she got that I haven’t?

Jigjag

I was actually relieved to hear that you hadn't got the Bedroom Assistant job. I feel there are too many connotations around the terminology - I can imagine a raised eyebrow every time someone says. 'What do I do? Oh, I'm a Bedroom Assistant'. It was good that you received favourable comments, these must be heartening.

I've been thinking of various career options for you, as you seem to be looking for a change. Would you like to be a Prof - Peripatetic Relisher Of Food? This would involve a fair amount of travelling, and a fair amount of food-tasting. These are things you appear to do just now, wandering from market to fast food outlet to little cafes. Application forms will soon be available online, so just let me know if you are interested.