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Oh Malone, I wish you had warned me about these places. A branch of Coffe Hero has opened in town and, remembering your comments of a couple of weeks ago, I decided to visit it.

“A coffee, please” I asked.
The young lady replied, “Would you like a cappuccino, latte, mocha, espresso, flat, ristretto………..”

“I am sorry to interrupt, but I don’t know what any of those are. I’ll just have a white coffee, please” I said.

“I’ll get you an Americano “, she said, “would you like normal, regular, hot or cold milk, cream…….”

I interrupted again, “I suppose you are a barista”

“Not yet. I’m a law student, and I prefer the female endings, so I am hoping to go from baristress to barristress.”

“I know someone who will not be pleased to hear that” I said.

The coffee was ready at last and I proferred a £1 coin.
“That’s £2.75”. I will not be going back.

Jigjag, it sounds as if you'd be safer sticking to your usual haunts (the market and the fast food places).

Buying a coffee can be hard work nowadays. I was stunned the first time the barista asked me, 'do you want an extra shot?' An extra shot of what, I wondered - was I getting a free go on the lottery? And don't think you could just opt for tea - in that case, you'll be asked if you want green tea, black tea, fruit tea..

When you were asked for the £2.75, you should have said...

Do you want two £1 coins, a 50 pence coin, a 20 and a 5 or
two £1 coins, three 20s, a 10 and a 5 or
four 50s, three 20s, a 10 and a 5 or
five 50s, two 10s and a 5 …………….?

Malone

That's a clever idea - counter-attacking, I suppose. It certainly was hard work. To keep the story short, I omitted the question about whether I had brought my own cup. "Surely that is provided, along with a teaspoon and perhaps sugar" I replied. "Yes, but you wont get the 20% "green" discount."

You are right about the "Greasy Spoon" cafe in the market that I frequent. No problems there. No green discount and no green tea. It is tea or coffee - and no credit cards. I must visit Ivan there next week.

I am relieved that you didn't get shot.

jigjag, Malone

I liked the story and Malone's suggested riposte. I bet you get more choice in the market than I do in my local caff. There is no brown sugar or sweetener, but the pies are great.

I believe golfers get an extra shot, but I dont understand it.

Hi grunger
The golfers' extra shot is called a "mulligan" - look it up!

Thanks ChriseE. I have just looked it up. Great idea to be able to play your shot again. It seems to be informal but you can agree with your group how many mulligans you can have. I wish we had them in cricket, but you would have to get everybody out twice.

I bet you never need one!

Mmmm - I'd like to think so!

Malone

I am sure you enjoyed the -ista clue in the Times today, though probably not the "appeal" one.

Jigjag,

I didn't mind the 'fashionista' clue, didn't like the SA one. Do you think the 'fashionista' works as well as 'barista' and others, I've always thought of it being a feminine appellation - but maybe I've missed it being used for men too.

Grunger

I'd frequent your greasy spoon place any day - I'm sure it's a far less stressful experience, getting a coffee, there. I'd definitely prefer a pie to some artisan sourdough with smashed avocado and heritage tomato.

Et al

I am as enthusiastic about golf as I am about cricket, so have merely speedread those posts.

Malone

Yes, I too have always considered "fashionista" to be female. I think Grunger is one, from her earlier comments. "Barista" was new to me until you mentioned it recently. I thought it was the modern "Barmaid" so I suppose I thought it female also.

I have no idea what any of the items mentioned in your note to Grunger are. I am sure they are "healthy" though.

I like your "speedread" especially as it rhymes in the present tense. Is it better than "speeddating?"