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It is 3 months since the market closed, but some stalls have re-opened. I rang Ivan Napple and was pleased to find that he was back and delighted that he was doing deliveries.

“I deliver for regulars who are isolating and self-distancing” he said rather confusingly. “I put your order in bags in a box on the doorstep, ring the bell and could you take the bags and leave the box, I need it.”

It sounded straightforward and I placed an order then asked if he had any zucchini.
“Zoo what?” he asked, so I spelled it out for him, literally. “Ah, zoo-chee-ni, those cucumber things, yes I’ve got a few.”

I asked if he had heard about the recent honour Malone had conferred on me, Grand Master with a low salary.

“What, no celery? I’ll put some in”.

It is so difficult on the phone and I can’t wait to get out.

Jigjag,

Our earlier posts crossed. I was relieved that my missing letter didn't stop you solving the clue.

It was lovely - and very interesting - to hear your Ivan Napple story. I feel I've got to know him so well over the last year or so. The celery/salary point reminded me of our ongoing trials and tribulations with homophone clues. There was one of those over the weekend - Tampa and Tamper … a dodgy one for me.

I've always observed two metres. One's for the gas and the other's for the electric.

Malone

So glad you enjoyed the story. I agree about the homophone clues. The Tampa/tamper one works for me as most of them do, with my flat vowels, but I know for most people they usually dont. I liked your sapid posting, you are always exhilarating.

Orson

Good joke, I hope they dont extend it to 3 metres to cover the water one.

Orson

Liked the joke - I was a property lettings agent at one time - one of my tasks was reading the meters. An owner queried one of my readings so I arranged to meet her at the property so we could both agree on the figure. The electric meter was an old one where the dials alternated from clockwise to anti-clockwise - this can lead to confusion at times. Sadly the owner took umbrage because her reading was wrong - and she didn`t take kindly to me showing her how to read the meter correctly!

Jigjag

Everton nearly pinched the game but I think a draw was a fair result - it does seem strange with empty grounds. Donny are wanting us to donate refunds due for any season tickets for last and next season to the club - I`ve not renewed yet, think we need to know what`s happening first!

Malone

I agree with the posts on various threads that you are erudite, eminent and exhilarating. I didnt like the homophone either. Tampa has a very short "a" at the end, and Tamper has a long errrrrrrrrr" for me.

I am very impressed that you know where the tractor boys play.

jigjag

Liked the story and hope you get a safe delivery.

Orson

liked your joke

Tyke

Glad football is back. I know that a lot of fans have donated season ticket refunds. I read that Everton fans have donated £200,000 to the club for charity. Incredible generosity of jigjag and others.

Grunger

That was very kind of you, but I'm less erudite, eminent and exhilarating in real life - 'exasperating' might be a better E word.
I know the homophones can be contentious, so I feel they should be used sparingly.
The 'tractor boys' are new to me … I should have Googled before replying!

Orson
I liked your metres joke, but the pedant in me would have liked it better if I'd heard it rather than read it - that homophone works, of course, but the spelling....

Grunger

I think most fans are happy to donate any refunds to their club - the same with County Cricket - as far as I`m concerned I`m a Yorks member whether or not I get to see any cricket. I`m more worried about Scarborough CC because they rely on `gate` receipts to survive.
I hope they manage to stage some games later in the summer.

Malone

To solve today's Times, I need to be fluent in French and a chess Grand Master. The first is no problem as I was exiled there pre-Covid as you know. As to the second, you made me a Grand Master but it was not chess unfortunately.

Tyke

Glad you can cut your pike in half and take it to the pub.

Grunger

The £200,000 re Everton refunds includes pre-paid hospitality. Even so I agree it is very generous