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Grunger, there's confidence for you....

Grunger

If you are Doris/Boris, I am Mr Corbyn.

Best wishes

Jeremy Is Great Just Ask Grunger

Tyke Malone Jigjag

Thanks for your messages. Hope its not a long night.

Grunger, Malone, Tyke et al

I was rather fed up with the election result, so last night I went to McD……., to see Ivor Berger, the “cashier” who corrects customers’ bad grammar. A “meal” would have depressed me even more, so I settled on a coffee.

“I am very disappointed but I suppose we will now get Brexit done” I said.

“That is grammatically incorrect”, he replied. Better would be “attempt a successful withdrawal from the European Union.”

“Possibly, but it’s not a great slogan. At least we have seen the end of Nigel Garage.” I suggested.

“You’re wrong there. He said that he is going to reform a party” said Ivor.

“You mean re-form a party”

“Yes, he is going to re-form a reforming Reform Party” he replied.

“You have to be careful with hyphens. As with apostrophes, they are disappearing fast” I said.

“I know. I have read about it. I like them. That’s why I write to-day, to-night, to-morrow.”

I think we should all re-turn to that.

Jigjag

Thanks for that. I was sorry to hear you were 'fed up' with the election result. I think we're all meant to be hyper-energetic, full of life and enthusiasm, and thrilled that we'll soon be 'Getting Brexit Done'. (In some ways, we will be well and truly 'done', I'm sure!)

The thought of any more Nigel, whether a reformed or a reforming character, doesn't lift my spirits. I think I'd rather turn my attention to hyphens, and back to apostrophes … things to gladden the heart and lift the spirit.

Complete non sequitur but, as its seasonal, I thought I'd share the following.

Despite being one of the many hypocritical atheists who still join in the Christmas festivities, I sent my musings on current advent calendars to the Herald newspaper and, perhaps surprisingly, they used it in the Diary.

I mentioned that manufacturers of many advent calendars are under fire for ignoring their original purpose and the meaning of Christmas. Ones containing condoms and sex toys are, seemingly, amongst the tackiest now available.

In a local supermarket I saw two different advent calendars designed for fromagophiles, (okay, I just made that word up), both of which contained small portions of cheese. I argued "No-one, surely, can object to them. After all, every time you open one of the doors, you'll be thinking about the baby cheeses."

Skyewalker,

Wonderful stuff - especially your punchline! I saw a couple of the cheese calendars … and the gin calendars... and the toiletry calendars...

I am a perfectly content atheist and don't feel at all hypocritical about joining in the festivities . My 'the meaning of Christmas' involves no mangers, stars etc. Other people can continue to 'celebrate' the religious festival, of course - each to their own.

skyewalker

Great stuff! A lovely contribution. Glad you got your effort published. The strangest advent calendar I have seen this year is one which has Premier League football cards. 5 a day I think, though that might be something else. Not as tacky as your examples but probably exploiting children?

Jigjag,

A quick check online confirmed that you didn't imagine the football cards Advent calendar. What a pity it's the 14th December, too late now to start opening little doors.

Equally bad, exploitative is the growth in 'Christmas Eve Boxes'. It's not enough that children get loads of stuff on 25th December, it's now considered a good idea to 'treat' them on 24th December. These decorated cardboard boxes come in all shapes and sizes - and I think parents are supposed to stock them with pyjamas, a DVD (for the whole family to watch), hot chocolate etc. Some places have now taken the hard work - the thinking - out of this, and boxes come fully stocked (at a price, of course).