Malone, Grunger
I went to M & S yesterday to buy some jeans and to look for Christmas presents. I was pleased to see Isla Sellitt, the young lady who helped me a few months ago. I enquired about jeans. She looked me up and down and asked “Are you straight?”
“I never reveal my orientation” I replied solemnly.
“I meant the fit. Or are you slim or skinny?”
I am clearly neither.
“You want the fit that shows off your best shape” she added. I’m afraid I don’t speak the same language as these sales people.
I asked her about the cans of Gin & Tonic that I bought last year. She led me to a remote part of the shop. “We seem to have sold out” she said. “Why not try Rum & Coke or Mosquito?”
“I have had enough problems with gryllidae this year, so canned diptera does not appeal to me.” I replied.
“But mosquito is a very popular cocktail.”
It might well be, but it’s not for me, and, as usual, I left the shop empty-handed. Even worse, I have got to go back this afternoon.