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I believe I have this almost sorted
but i cannot see how the two possible letters in the extra word in 3 down relate to any of the three new friends. Have I gone wrong? Does this make any sense to anyone who has completed this?

there are indeed too many who seek help and too few who give it.

Well, I've completed the grid (bar the first letter of 12A), identified the message and the four lady friends.

Unfortunately the final step has GWIT written all over it, so there I will have to leave it. .

Was fun up until then, so thanks Elgin for a good workout (especially the NE quadrant) and I look forward to the solution with interest.

Malone - well said, I fully agree.
Dodgepot - I too appreciate your posts, and hope you will agree to continue.

Mullingar - note that there are 20 extra words but the friends use only 19 letters.

I can only conclude by saying that I am sorry if I have caused any offence. That was not my intention. I have been grateful to those who have assisted. Best to leave it there.

I'm slowly getting there (maybe- it's still early days) ,as usual. Completed all except the two down unclued entries and 12a eludes me; the down entry only allows for one letter in the third position but I can't get any further.

I commend posters here on the restraint shown regarding the theme.

mullingar @61 -

Note by Admin - Text removed as I am informed that it totally gives away the end game

Very clever Puzzle Elgin! Thank you

Re: 12A - it’s simply the female equivalent of ‘Ian’s’ or ‘Jock’s’. ‘Iona’s’ would have worked just as well; the reason for the gender is to make the wordplay work.