Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

Rosalind, Jigjag, Grunger

Thanks for the panto contributions. The tin of evaporated milk was an inspired idea, Rosalind!

I'll return in a bit. I need a rest to recover from today's shopping trip - where I came across a tea bag Advent calendar and, even worse, a pork scratchings Advent calendar. Shudder!

Malone Rosalind Grunger

I went again to M & S today to attempt to buy some jeans and to look for slippers for my brother-in-law. After following the advice of Rosalind and Grunger, I knew I was “a 36” and “a regular”. As I was looking at the jeans, I was pleased to hear the familiar voice of Isla Sellitt, “Are you a blue?” she asked.

“Yes, I do support Everton. It’s very exciting at the moment.”

“I didn’t mean football” she said.

“Sorry. Of course, politics. Actually I support Labour”

“No I was asking if you WANT blue” she replied.

“Aren’t all jeans blue?” I asked.

“No, we have them in six colours in many styles. One final question – are you distressed?”

“I certainly am. All this shopping is really getting me down.”

“No, it is the jeans that are distressed, not you, and we don’t sell them anyway.”

I have no idea what she was talking about so I left, without even looking at slippers.

Jigjag,

I hope your blood pressure hasn't been adversely affected by all these stressful shopping jaunts? After your latest trip, no wonder you were distressed. I don't know if M and S stock the torn jeans - deliberately/artfully torn - as this would have no doubt caused you a great deal of consternation. I'm sure M and S would not have appreciated you - or any of us - pointing out that they had a whole display of faulty goods.

Good luck with the slipper hunt... following the panto theme, will we now address you as Cinderella?

Grunger

I was delighted when I saw you were going to be treading the boards at Wigan Pier Playhouse - I felt it was time you were accorded star status, and let's face it, you can't aim any higher than that. I'm glad the drudge role suits you fine. If there are no pie jokes in the script, feel free to chuck in a few ad libs - panto audiences like those ( oh no, they don't... oh yes, they do....)

Loved it. I bet you have a few costume tales to tell, but that's an udder story.

Rosalind

Sorry - I meant to address that to you.

Malone

Do you mean they deliberately rip the jeans? - how absurd. I didn't see any there, so I suppose Isla was hinting that I could get them elsewhere. But if it "fashionable" to have ripped ones, I don't need new ones, as the holes in mine are the result of 20 years wear and tear (literally).

I am more Buttons than Cinders, but I prefer zips.

Jigjag,

The fashion for ripped jeans may have peaked, but many stores still stock them. How about 'Sik Silk Low Rise Distressed Burst Knee Denims' or 'Mid blue Ollie Ripped Spray On Skinny Jeans'? I realised that I wouldn't be able to buy these - I'd never remember the lengthy names and would feel I was showing my age if I produced a bit of paper with the full name on it. It's lucky that you have embraced the concept already, subjecting your jeans to decades of wear and tear … I just hope the rips and holes are in all the right places?

jigjag

No, Marks dont sell them - try River Island. But it sounds as though you dont need them. Be careful. The ripped ones cost a lot more than unripped - they have to pay someone to tear them.

I am posting this from the theatre - on stage soon. Can you come, say tomorrow?

Grunger

My 'complementary' ticket appears to have gone astray. It's a real pity as I'd intended surprising you as you took your bow - rather than a boring bouquet of flowers, some excellent pies were going to come your way. (Don't worry, I'd have given them to you, not thrown them at you.)