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Grunger.

Your baseball story was an example of complete and utter nonsense/ non-sense!

It's a pity you can't make it to the talk, but thanks for gifting us the pies. I'm delighted you're sending us 'two gross of … pies' and not '2 gross pies.'

There must be an inexhaustible supply of such from sports interviews. I remember a radio reporter interviewing a football manager before a match, inquiring as to how the team were going to approach the game. He received the reply, "We're just going to try to be as offensive as possible." I presume the tactics involved more swearing, spitting and nose-blowing onto the pitch than usual.

Error in Guardian Prize crossword (shock horror!)
African carrier not entirely accepting European cause of disease, possibly (8)

It was a disaster. The BBC cancelled the WAWS (Wits and Wisecracks Society) and sent the wrong WAGS. We should have had the Wider Audience Generation Society, but they sent a group of footballers’ wives and girlfriends who apparently belong to an organisation with the same letters.

There was even a problem with the pies. Grunger had ordered 2 gross of them, and Malone feared that they would send 2 gross ones. Unfortunately, we received 2 grass pies which looked very unappetising. It was not proper grass of course, but I imagine it was that freeker stuff.

The warm-up act that Malone arranged was superb, the 3 Jo’s, great comediennes and singers, but when I was talking, the Wags kept heckling me. “Get on with it, grand-dad” was a typical remark. This annoyed me, especially as I am not one.

Malone’s friend Shona Legge, danced beautifully after the interval, and Malone gave a great talk about her recent trip to Chris Mast Island. It was lost on the Wags though. “Don’t we get turkeys from there?” said one. “No, they come from Turkey” answered another. I don’t think Malone was impressed with the Wags’ behaviour but she battled on manfully, or should it be womanfully, I’m never too sure on the PC stuff.

I spoke to Di Laffin at the BBC this morning. She apologised for the mix-up with the WAGS, but said they would not be offering Pedants United a series. “But we can get a Yorkshireman to give a talk, “Tales from the Outgrounds” or a couple of Eastenders to talk tripe, or talk about tripe, or even jellied eels, with free samples”. I suggested desperately.

“Ah, Eastenders, that gives me an idea” she said thoughtfully. So we won’t get a contract, but we have been offered an audition for BGT, whatever that is.

Jigjag and Malone

You were both great. Unfortunately, I was not involved in the recount so I dashed to Salford which is not too far away. I got there just before the interval. I agree about the Wags behaviour and I regret to say that I was mistaken for one of them.

I am afraid I made a ghastly gaffe. When a waiter asked me, ”Would you like some more Chardonnay?”, I replied rather rudely. “My name is not Chardonnay, it’s Grunger.” Luckily Posh rescued me.

I am sorry about the pies. I will find out what happened.

Grunger

Posh? Yes, of course, I remember them from years ago- the Spite Girls. I should have realised you were connected to them – Posh, Baby, Sporty, Scary and Grunger Spite. I think they were the names!

Jigjag, thanks for another fantastic report. I am still recovering from the ordeal of last night - WAGS and grass pies, what an awful combination! In an effort to clear my head, I'm working my way through today's papers and crosswords. I hope to return to this thread later.

Grunger, thank you for all your efforts. I'm glad you were able to join us last night, even though it wasn't quite the polite, civilised, sophisticated event we'd planned.

@ ChrisE 578
I did the crossword late and didn't see your post on the Guardian thread.
It gave me the hump!

ChrisE, I think you might be very annoyed with this clue in today's Times Jumbo...

48 A. Very annoyed: silver reduced into small pieces retaining only 40% of value (10).

I'm sure many PU members will be tutting and shaking their heads.

I only received 3 votes in the Euro elections, from Yorkshire, N Wales and Scotland, but at least it was 3 different countries! So thank you tyke, jigjag and Malone, if it was you(se).

The most disappointing aspect was that nobody offered me a milkshake, though another minority party leader, Nigel Garage, got one.