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Malone

Lots of brilliant stuff there. Will reply tomorrow - just dashing off to check some venues

Malone

You have certainly been putting a lot of thought into this and have come up with some great ideas. I am not sure about the French food - putting poison on the menu might put people off. I love crackling on pork, but does it go with cheese, I am looking forward to that.

I laughed at your Birds of Pray joke. I know a nun, who is a teacher at a local school. She is a young rather "modern" one. I must try the joke on her, if you don't mind.

Grunger rang last night. It was not a good line and I think I may have misheard what she said. It seems she is away for a few days, having been called up for the Spite Girls tour. That must be right as an item on the news was about "5G", which must mean fifth girl.

She asked me to mention charts to you, so they must be making a new record. It is all pie in the sky to me.

Jigjag

Thanks for your views on the French titbits. I'll continue to work on the menu, those were just a few ideas from a friend, Jenny Saykwa.

You're welcome to the Birds Of Prey nonsense.

Grunger seems to be having a very interesting time. Being on the Spite Girls tour would be a form of torture for me, but other people are more adventurous. I loved the '5G' stuff, very clever.

Grunger, Malone

As requested, I went to McD……., and was pleased that Ivor Berger, the “cashier” who corrects customers’ bad grammar, was there. This was intended to be an “educational” visit, and I thought I would try Malone’s joke on him.
“Do you know a Scotsman, Big Mac, who comes here with his children, the small fries?” I asked.
“Of course I know him. He wears a skirt and plays the bagpipes” he laughed.
I cringed at the stereotype. “You English have no sense of humour”, he added.
“But I am half-Irish”, I protested. “So you only want half-a pint of Guinness!” he replied.
This was going nowhere. “I actually came here to find out why a Big Mac is so called. It cannot be anything to do with McDonald’s, as that is Mc not Mac.”, I said.
“McDonald’s did create it. Originally it was called Big Beef Burger with MAC, but it became Big Mac”
“What did MAC stand for? Mustard and Cress I suppose.” I asked.
“No, Mayonnaise and Cheese, but the correct name is Mayo, which as you know, comes from Ireland like you.” He could not stop laughing, but I was thinking. “Big Beef Burger with Mayonnaise and Cheese”. That IS a mouthful, but I don’t want it in MY mouth, thank you.

jigjag

I cannot think why you do not want the burger with mayo and cheese. I just looked up the cheese bit, which turns out to be "Pasturised process American cheese". Sounds absolutely delightful. Apparently the "moisture" (hoho) content is not more than 41% and the fat not more than 49% And the left-over 10%?? Spice -or perhaps Spite, - salt, unspecified "non-dairy items". Does it not sound delicious?
PS you should convene at Wright by the Sea, in Swanage. The fish in the F&C contains fish!

Oh Rosalind, that is brilliant!! So it is 90% water and fat! I like your suggestions for the other 10%.

I love your final paragraph. You really should write more of this. Your Merseyside humour would be appreciated. Well done!

Jigjag,

I'm getting increasingly concerned about trips to the Golden Arches. I know this is all in the pursuit of knowledge, but what about your waistline, your arteries, your taste buds? I know you weren't hugely impressed with the 'Plant Kitchen' offerings from Marks and Spencer, but this seems to be the polar opposite.

Having said that, I thank you for your invaluable research. I will no longer lose sleep over the origins of a Big Mac - and I will no longer think it necessary to try one for myself.

Rosalind,

Great stuff - thanks!

Thanks Malone, I really appreciate the interest that you and Rosalind have taken in my health etc. I only wish I could say the same about Grunger. She seems to be encouraging me in the opposite direction. I must have words with her when she returns from the tour.

Thanks, Jigjag. Fame may have gone to Grunger's head, she may decide to stick with the Spite Girls - which would be a great loss to PU.

I'm glad you didn't mind our nudges about your health. I feel the more time you spend in McDonalds, the less time you'll spend in the markets. We need you to round up all the rogue apostrophes, keep an eye on the dodgy spellings and so on.

I'd still like our show to be put on again, but with no hitches (nor gruesome pies) this time. My research continues....

After weeks of exhaustive research, I've found a venue for the next talk from Jigjag, Malone and supporting cast. The event will take place at the end of June, in Roy & Albert's Hall, London. I don't know that city very well, but believe it's a very good venue. (I thought it was in Kensington, but apparently not.)

A string quartet will welcome guests on arrival. The opening talk will be Jigjag's 'How Markets Will Fare Post-Brexit'. This is a humorous discourse on street markets, farmers' markets etc and, thankfully, nothing to do with national or global economies.

Next we will have a surprise guest from LA - LA, of course being Losers Anonymous. This is the association for disappointed solvers, membership is open to those who have never won a prize in any of the 'big' crosswords. The LA member will give a heartfelt account of life as a loser, but we hope for some uplifting anecdotes too.

Break … both on this thread and in relation to the event itself.