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Thanks for the update, jigjag. I'm very disappointed to hear that we're going to be lumbered with nocando.com - oops, ocado.com. I was delighted that you got in touch with Ms Kwondry. She sounds more on the ball than her predecessor, Ivor Dialemma.


With such an uninspiring name, ocado.com is unlikely to offer me the shopping experience that I feel I am entitled to. I will continue to search for a place worthy of my custom.

PS I loved the Yummy/Yum-Yum and G & S, M & S stuff. Thanks!

Rad, thanks for all your pedant-worthy examples. I'm afraid I skimmed over the football ones as my brain always filters out sporting stuff!

Malone

I hope you enjoyed your holiday and that you didn't mind driving the bus on the wrong side of the road.

Glad you liked the report. I didn't know that Ivor Dialemma was at M&S. I think his wife ran a telephone advice helpline and the slogan was "Dilemma? Dial Emma Dialemma".

Jigjag, my original 'dilemma' had a Welshman, Dai, in charge, but I decided against that - I now can't remember why! My holiday was great, though there were too many 'Pizza's £8' and 'All Pint's £3' for my liking.

I've just been visiting an old friend - Mark Sand-Spencer - and caught up on some shopping too.

Malone

Your Dai would have been excellent. As I live on the Wales border, I know quite a few people called Dai. They are mostly Jones, Griffiths etc., but a couple have interesting surnames.

Wm Morrison are announcing results on Wednesday and I am hoping for some reference to joint ventures. We may not get your "Morose", but a possible link-up with Tesco would give "Mortes". They might test it in France but it is a dead cert to fail over there.

Jigjag

I might have avoided 'Dai' as I felt it could be stereotypical. I've lived in Scotland for decades and have never met a 'Jock'.

I wouldn't be seen dead (or alive) in your new shop. You, on the other hand, might like to visit my planned chi-chi store. It's called CoCo, Tesco and the Co-Op linking up.

Malone

I would love to visit your CoCo store although I have no idea what chi-chi is. I remember a giant panda of that name many years ago. Or is it to do with CoCo Channel, who I think was a clown from across the Channel? I might be very confused.

Jigjag, I've wanted to use 'chi-chi' for ages, but an opportunity never arose. It means 'stylish, chic, self-consciously fashionable', which is how I saw it - but I've since discovered that it can also mean 'pretentious or affected'. My CoCo shop will be as stylish and chic as is possible for a shop selling mince, cheap ready-meals and own-brand goods!

Malone

I see what you mean. Chic, stylish, fashionable - that's you. Shabby chic, minced CoConut microwave meals - that's me!

If your shop does not come off, you might consider a merger of the Co-Op and Aldi. "Coal". I will get my energy there. I've been told to shop around for it.

Malone

Wm Morrison has announced its half-year results and I found them rather disappointing. Although the company and analysts claim they are "good", and they mentioned deals with Amazon and McColl's, there was nothing about tie-ups with Waitrose or Tesco. So "Morose" and "Mortes" are off for now.

My disappointment has been shared by the market as the price has fallen today. There is one glimmer of hope though. They mentioned the "threat" of Aldi, so they might look to do something there. A possible deal would give "Moral" or "Morals" as it would be known. I would certainly be willing to shop there.