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It's my 35th wedding anniversary this year. It only seems like yesterday, I wish it was tomorrow......I'd cancel it!

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.

Why do parents come out of baby change rooms with the same one?

Nice one busby.

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ENGLISH men are not as good at playing football as English women, it has been confirmed.

As the England women reached the World Cup semi-finals – a feat not achieved by their male counterparts for 25 years – English men must now defer to ladies on anything to do with football.

Fan Martin Bishop said: “I’ve spent my whole life deriding women’s football, but it is now an undeniable fact that they are better at it than we. I suppose I feel cheated.”

He added: “Now, before I tweet an opinion about the latest transfer news for example, I have to run it past my wife and daughter first.

“So far they have been dismissive and rather mean.”

FA Chairman Greg Dyke said: “For English teams, competing in major tournaments is all about trying to wipe out years of ‘hurt’.

“As our best national side right now, the Lionesses must shoulder the burden of the men’s 49 years of hurt, as well as their own 24 years of hurt.

“That’s a grand total of 73 years of hurt which will be instantly eradicated if they actually win this thing.

“No pressure.”

BBC News : Greek voters reject bailout offer.
For Sale : One extra large bucket, unused.

I've got viagraphobia...
I'm scared stiff!!!

Thank you Bernie for the kind comments in your post.

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After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full.

Probably the quote of the decade, from Yanis Varoufakis

"Greece is absolutely, irreversibly, committed to staying in the eurozone. The problem is that once you're in, it goes just like the Eagle's song 'Hotel California' - you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

The EU has just announced that in future all Euro notes will be printed on Greece proof paper

I asked my Doctor's receptionist if there was any chance of seeing the doctor today, she asked what it was about, I said it was concerning my asthma, she replied "Don't hold your breath!"