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bernie

7th July 2015, 11:58
I asked my Doctor's receptionist if there was any chance of seeing the doctor today, she asked what it was about, I said it was concerning my asthma, she replied "Don't hold your breath!"
1787 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

8th July 2015, 00:04

Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TYRES:
Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over-inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons
to push, he just keeps trying.

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celadon

9th July 2015, 17:34
**Statistic of the Week: The Chinese military is currently building 41,800 unmanned military aircraft. By comparison, the US military only operates 7,000 UAV’s and 8,500 manned military aircraft.
1789 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

11th July 2015, 08:27
You will only encounter this once in your lifetime:-

August, in 2015, will have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens only once every 823 years. The Chinese call it ' Silver pockets full'.
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chrisg

11th July 2015, 08:33
My calendar says there are only 4 Fridays. 7th, 14th. 21st and 28th. Am I missing something ?
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jazzgirl

11th July 2015, 08:42

chrisg

11th July 2015, 08:48
Thanks for that jazzgirl - thought for a moment that I had lost the plot !
1793 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

12th July 2015, 07:30
Well spotted Jazzgirl; Shall not be buying any lottery tickets in August!

__________________

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says: "I think I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks: "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies: "No I only live round the corner.
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jazzgirl

12th July 2015, 08:06
It's OK Celadon. This is still my favourite thread,
1795 of 1953  -   Report This Post

anriard

12th July 2015, 19:19
Only stupid and crass people like Celadon think racist jokes are acceptable.
1796 of 1953  -   Report This Post