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Can't tell you how delighted I am. It's great to know you are still there and taking the p**s.

That should be courier of course .... I continue to make typos!

Hello Andyc,
I hope you are enjoying being retired. I have some fond memories of customs officers. As a teenager I once had so many fags and bottles of booze in my suitcase that I couldn't get my clothes in. so they were tied to the case, which I could hardly lift, I dragged it through customs at some god-awful hour watched by several sniggering customs officers. they knew, I knew they knew, but nobody cared. those were the days, eh.

When my kids were young we used to drive to France for a camping holiday. over the years we took in Normandy/Brittany and all points south on the west coast to the Spanish border. Only once were we stopped by customs on our return. But that was a very interesting meeting. I realised straight away that how I would be spending the next hour depended on not just what I said to this guy but (probably more importantly) on what he made of my non-verbal communication. Well, luckily, Ricard was available at Xmas so I must have done it right.

Good morning Mr H. I see you still keep late hours, I was in bed when you posted that sleeping off a couple of glasses of Merlot.

I've had a few embarrassing moments on the other side of the baggage bench especially in my early days over here. One instance I particularly recall was when I challenged two Irish passengers straight off the Dubin Ferry who appeared to be rattling well over their duty free allowance. I stopped them, went through my usual patter: have you packed your own bags, are you travelling together etc? I removed all of their stuff onto the bench and opened up the gentleman's case .....I have never seen so many bottles of Jamesons and boxes of fags in one place! It was a commercial quantity so I administered the formal caution to both parties before continuing with my questioning. Suddenly the woman stood up and demanded to leave. I told her to sit down and be quiet while I talked to her husband about what was in their case. She said "That's not my husband......he's not my friend.....I don't even know him!" I retorted "But he told me you were travelling together", the male passenger then piped in with " But we did sir, we came on the same boat". I felt such an idiot...I think I just seized the stuff and let them go.

I was very circumspect about my dealings with the public after that I can tell you.

Hi Andyc and Harbinger,
Forgive me for butting in but I too have a tale of a customs officer. In January 1978 I was posted to Germany. As there were no married quarters available I went alone leaving my wife and two young children in the UK. Just before Easter that year having been allocated a married quarter I returned to the UK by car to collect them. I travelled from Rotterdam to Hull as they were in York. The car was empty save for my overnight bag, 200 cigarettes and 2 chocolate Easter bunnies. For once I was positioned on the ferry so as to be first off at Hull. This is indeed what happened I had dreams of being with my wife nice and early.
I duly met the customs official on the dockside. When asked if I had anything to declare I simply said "no" I was then asked what I did have I answered quite innocently 200 Cigarettes and 2 Easter bunnies which along with my bag were on the back seat. I can only assume he thought I was taking the p**s because 2 hours later my car was in bits, door cards off, carpets, seats out the lot. Good job I was telling the truth. Although I can't help thinking the more he didn't find, the harder he looked. Anyway about 4 hours after I got off the ship and everyone else had gone, most of them past me. I managed to leave the dock. I can laugh at it now, but it was most frustrating, The children were up when I got home and I got to play with them, wasn't quite what I had in mind initially. They liked the Easter bunnies though which hadn't melted.
1978 that was a lifetime ago. Take care:-)