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I was pleased to see that my membership application to myself was accepted virtually unopposed.
Since the membership has grown so large so quickly it is traditional that internal politicking should now commence with the attendant factionalism and dissent. So here goes:
Dear Fellow Haverers,
It is clear to me that there are 2 important items missing from this organisation viz. an element of secrecy and proper representation for those of us who are decidedly on the dull side of the educational continuum.

Secrecy:
We all know that the best and most enduring societies have secrecy involved. We instinctively know this from an early age – would you have read Enid Blyton’s tales if they were called “The Unsecret Seven” or “The Laid-bare-for-all-to-see Seven”? Of course not! Clearly we need secrecy. It will help us all feel Really Jolly Special as well.

Elitism:
It is apparent from the quality of the posts so far that a highly educated bunch of haverers have hijacked what was originally meant to be an inclusive society. Those of us with a kangaroo loose in our top paddock don’t seem to have had a look in.

Proposal to members:
I intend to create a secret sub-group within the society which will represent the interests of the seriously dull members. There is no application form necessary because if you sent it to anyone it would hardly be secret, would it? This sub-group will be known as the Ancient Secret Society for Haverers Of Lower Educashun. Members may write the letters on a piece of sticky paper, and adhere this to the forehead, one centimetre above the RIGHT eye. If a member’s forehead is getting a bit full by now, then a smaller font is allowable. I look forward to a rush of non-applications from those who (at best) aspire to moronic status.

Yours faithfully
Samak
A.S.S.H.O.L.E

This thread just gets better. Samak, I think I should establish another rule. Don't make me laugh this early in the morning. I have to get up at this unearthly hour to pop to the top paddock and feed my kangaroo, after which I need lashings of ginger beer. May I take this opportunity to second your proposals forthwith.

Susan
ASOH

samak I have just read your post and nearly chokedd on a soldier (eating a boiled egg - nothing very exciting). If you can come up with that at such an ungodly hour, you have no right to be an A.S.S.H.O.L.E.

Thanks for the support; the loony faction will take over the asylum, marching to this tune:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXZMZ-XvvzI

Sorry to be so slow in getting some contributions in. Mrs P has been on line with matters less pressing, but ever the gentleman, I know my place and wait my turn.

To pop back to the Disgusted Tunbridge Wells, this is a much shortened version of the whole sentence which is:

'I disgusted Tunbridge Wells when I ate my nosepickings', which is obviously too long to put at the foot of a letter to a newspaper.

Good morning Andy from the 'Well. Yes I have indeed come down in the world. A totally different language is spoken in these parts.

P

Hi, good to know you're smiling again Sallyw, in spite of the incident with the soldier. I see we have an ever increasing supply of fruitcakes. Hope you have a happy day.

Welcome indeed, John Graham. We assume that you are THE John Graham of Araucaria fame. We sit at your feet.

samak - very appropriate tune.

Pipesmoker
I write to you as the Founder of this embryo society,with the suggestion that to advance us in obtaining the highest form of haverers known to man,an approach be made to where the acme of haverers is to be found.

Yes - MPs in the House of Commons.

I await your thoughts on this in due course.

Success here would be a real feather in your cap,and may defeat the simmering coup to unseat you.

TJ

TJ if The House were approached and reciprocated by joining we would then have to call it The Ancient Society of Haverers, Cads and Scoundrels dontcha think?