mark
17th December 2009, 14:04
good that.
634
of 1953 -
Report This Post
john (from arran)
18th December 2009, 23:03
Seeing as you've all been having a little precipitation today down south, I though you might like this one. In order not to offend anyone this joke has be edited to comply with EU equality rules. I wonder if you can detect it's origin.
On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in New York were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through."
So one of them went out and moved the car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
One of them went out and moved the car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....".
Then the electric power went out. They very upset, and with a worried look one said to the other, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
Then with all the love and understanding that all partners who are married to bl**des exhibit, they replied, "Why don't you just leave the bl**dy car in the garage this time."
http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_rolleyes.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_rolleyes.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_rolleyes.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_rolleyes.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_rolleyes.gif" />
On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in New York were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through."
So one of them went out and moved the car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
One of them went out and moved the car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....".
Then the electric power went out. They very upset, and with a worried look one said to the other, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
Then with all the love and understanding that all partners who are married to bl**des exhibit, they replied, "Why don't you just leave the bl**dy car in the garage this time."
635
of 1953 -
Report This Post
john (from arran)
18th December 2009, 23:05
Sorry lost something. I hope this is better.
http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_Wink.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_Wink.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_Wink.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_Wink.gif" /> http://www.blue-room.org.uk/style_emoticons/default/Christmas_Smilie_Wink.gif" />
636
of 1953 -
Report This Post
helena
20th December 2009, 14:24
as its approaching the end of the year i thought that we could post the most memorable clues we have encountered this year. my nonimations are
clue that made me smile - doesn't tick = buttocks (amused my still adolecent sense of humour)
the clue with the most correct answers - which is the odd one out? - 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90
clue that made me smile - doesn't tick = buttocks (amused my still adolecent sense of humour)
the clue with the most correct answers - which is the odd one out? - 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90
637
of 1953 -
Report This Post
john (from arran)
20th December 2009, 16:13
The most memorable clue I encountered was:
H (9,5)
Had me going for hours until I figured it out:
FINISHING TOUCH
H (9,5)
Had me going for hours until I figured it out:
FINISHING TOUCH
638
of 1953 -
Report This Post
john (from arran)
22nd December 2009, 12:22
Not very seasonal, but quite funny and very PC.
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old automobile gearbox here, give me a hand and
we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the
brush behind them.
As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a gearbox"
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old automobile gearbox here, give me a hand and
we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the
brush behind them.
As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a gearbox"
639
of 1953 -
Report This Post
mark
22nd December 2009, 12:40
funny that john from arron all the best for christmas.
640
of 1953 -
Report This Post
robtherich
22nd December 2009, 13:57
Yes, a great guffaw - much needed.
Blessed are the laugh-makers. To them: Happy Christmas
Blessed are the laugh-makers. To them: Happy Christmas
641
of 1953 -
Report This Post
john (from arran)
23rd December 2009, 14:57
MATERIALISM RULES
A man parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off again.
More than a little distraught, he grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After he finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:
"I can't believe how materialistic you are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the man.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"
The man looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!! he screams........
".... Where's my Rolex?".
Merry Christmas
http://s813.photobucket.com/albums/zz59/styxlawyer/Xmasclip.gif" />
A man parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off again.
More than a little distraught, he grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After he finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:
"I can't believe how materialistic you are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the man.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"
The man looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!! he screams........
".... Where's my Rolex?".
Merry Christmas
642
of 1953 -
Report This Post
mark
23rd December 2009, 15:13
made me laugh that.
643
of 1953 -
Report This Post