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Thanks ColinE. It's probably the same reason that The dreaded Mickey$oft has a program suite which is called "Microsoft Works". Huh!

Or even 'Men at work'!!!!!

About time this was rejuvenated!

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

JimB

P.S. Maybe one for the Joker?

Bing sings and Walt disnae!!

Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.

I agree this should be revived and offer the following.
Last night,my husband and I were sitting in the living room and I said to him,"I never want to live in a vegetative state,dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.If that ever happens,just pull the plug"
He got up,unplugged the computer and threw out my wine.
He's such a bastard.........

Just found this:-

WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

very apt.

=: The Washington Post Neologism List :=

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its annual neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1.. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you've gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologi-sts.

13. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishis-ms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here.'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the entire scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!'

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:

'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!'

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts. Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Glad to see both Celadon and John(from Arran)trying to resuscitate this thread so it can break all records by reaching 400.
Here are a few good sayings to assist matters to this end.
The early bird may get the worm,but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
If you think nobody cares,try missing a couple of payments
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,"What the Hell happened?"
Light travels faster than sound.That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
...OK,so whats the speed of dark?
Just remember:if the world didn't suck,we would all fall off.
Support bacteria.They're the only culture some people have.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.