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But I do!

COFFIN is the answer to poser No. 777

No,really?

n Rengaswamy,
Sorry,but coffin won't do. Lots of people organise and pay in advance for their own funeral,including picking a coffin.

I don't know about you lot, but mine is going to be made from cardboard and I'm going to paint it myself with pictures of LWB Landrovers and suchlike. Just hope I remember to get it in time.

Sorry if some aren't new,
... A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

... Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

... Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

... Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

... A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

... A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

... Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

... Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

... Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

... Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

... When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

... A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

... What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

... Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

... In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

... She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

... A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

... If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

... The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

... You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

... Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

... Every calendar's days are numbered..

... A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

... A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

... He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

... A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium
At large.

... Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

... Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..

... Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

... Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Nice one Iris, several that I've not seen before.


Celadon

Hi John,

Is the Landrover obsession a Leo/Virgo thing. Still dream about my series II.

A simple mathematics question.
What is the significance of the number "2519"? The answer is:
This is the smallest number which when divided by 10 leaves a remainder of 9
when divided by 9 gives a remainder of 8, when divided by 8 gives a remainder of 7,
When divided by 7 leaves 6 as remainder, when divided by 6 leaves 5 as remainder,
when divided by 5 leaves 4 as remainder, when divided by 4 leaves 3 as remainder,
when divided by 3 leaves 2 as remainder and when when divided by 2 leaves 1 as remainder.
Interesting! is n't it? Now the question is how do you arrive at the number?

Humorous Business signs

Sign over a Gynaecologist' s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

************ ********* *****

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

************ ********* *****

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

************ ********* *****

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

************ ********* *****

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

************ ********* *****

On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

************ ********* *****

At a tyre Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

************ ********* *****

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

************ ********* *****

On an Electrician' s truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

************ ********* *****

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

************ ********* *****

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

************ ********* *****

At an Optometrist' s Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the

right place."

************ ********* *****

On a Taxidermist' s window:

"We really know our stuff."

************ ********* *****

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

************ ********* *****

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

************ ********* *****

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

************ ********* *****

In a Vet's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

************ ********* *****

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment..

However, if you don't, you will be."

************ ** ************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

************ ********* *****

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

************ ********* *****

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

************ ********* *****

And don't forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

************ ********* *

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises