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From the passport office:

Dear Sirs,



I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and
telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address !!!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes workin' there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone
please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another copy of my birth certificate, to the
tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's
really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic morons) Hey, do you know why we
couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!



Signed



An Irate Citizen.



P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ........ I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

.........

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN
PAKISTAN !

Here's a treat for St Patrick's Day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM

Good one Bullfrog - but I thought you might have called yourself "Hastings" on this occasion.

Go on then, Colin -- why Hastings?

Because if you had called yourself hastings the forum listing would of read 1066 HASTINGS.
although you were post 1067 you were 1066 reply

Good one,

I was trying to work it out as well...failed miserably.

take care

p@

My Faux pas, Bullfrog. The listing was 1066 when I clicked on it. I did not notice that you must have come in as I was "clicking" and therefore became 1067.
Just shows it doesn't pay to try to be clever !
Colin

am i 1073?

Here is a little story to cheer all us men up....it did wonders for me!!
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.
As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.
"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises,
two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally,
the doctor asks him what happened. 'Well, it was like this', said the man.
'I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole,
we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them,
and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white
at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough,
there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it--stuck right in the
middle of the cow's butt.
That's when I made my big mistake.' 'What did you do?' asks the doctor.
'Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like
yours!'. I don't remember much after that.