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celadon

12th October 2013, 13:13
THE act of shedding tears has been made emotionally meaningless by The X Factor.
The show’s over-exploitation of visible despair has disabled the sympathetic response formerly evoked by seeing a crying person.
Psychologist Emma Bradford said: “As a race we have always felt pity towards those weeping, assuming they were experiencing some genuine suffering.
“Now though we believe it’s either a devious ploy to avoid disappointment, or that the tearful person has been thwarted in their quest for fame.”
Plasterer Bill McKay said: “The wife was sobbing because her nan died. All I felt was mild annoyance and the urge to make withering comments from the sofa while eating crisps.
“I realised then that I had been conditioned. But I still couldn’t bring myself to hug her, instead I just went for a walk.”
Joanne Kramer of Cardiff agreed: “When my home was hit by a lorry, I threw myself on the floor, weeping and saying ‘No, please no,’ while curled up into a ball.
“Passers-by commented ‘Aw, look at the baby,’ ‘Was the nasty judge mean to you?’ and ‘Was it your dream? Was it your dreeeeeem?’.
“I wanted to explain that I was legitimately sad but I couldn’t, because I was crying too hard.”
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celadon

17th October 2013, 07:36
Crazy Laws - Washington
It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.

All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.
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busby

17th October 2013, 07:59
The same motor vehicle law is still current in Oz, so horse riders have a chance to move and not be spooked by the vehicle.
And it is legal for a driver to urinate in a public place as long as he faces the wheel of the vehicle he was driving. YUCK !!!


Where do you find these ? Love 'em !
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celadon

1st November 2013, 09:06
A news letter that is sent from the States, Busby.


A day late:-

What's the witches favourite pop group?
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celadon

6th November 2013, 08:47
A very shy unpopular kid regarded as a loner by many and who was occasionally bullied by classmates for being a "mama's boy". He was brought up very poor in mostly black neighbourhoods and housing projects. Who was he?
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ab

6th November 2013, 14:22
Elvis Presley?
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celadon

9th November 2013, 17:47
Well done ab.
...............................................

MASKED protesters around the world have called for a sequel to the 2006 dystopian thriller V for Vendetta.
Activists in London, Japan, Australia and New Zealand demanded that producers immediately open talks with Natalie Portman about starring in a second film.
Protester Tom Booker, who asked to remain anonymous, said: “That such a fully realised cinematic universe has not been revisited is a crime for which we hold world leaders and big business equally responsible.
“The time for a sequel, with Portman taking on the role of her masked mentor in an outfit with less cloak and more leather corset, is now.
“And yes, I’m willing to make the script I’ve written available.”
A spokesman for the G8 nations said: “We recognise the passion of the individuals involved, but they need a lesson in geopolitical realities.
“V for Vendetta only grossed $132 million, which after production costs and marketing barely made the studio a profit.
“And from a story perspective the fascist regime was defeated, leaving any putative second film without a third act conflict.
“The best we can offer is a straight-to-DVD prequel starring Tara Reid and a former wrestler.”
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celadon

14th November 2013, 10:32
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
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celadon

16th November 2013, 15:10
TV CHEF Jamie Oliver is to make Death Row prisoners’ last meals healthier and more nutritious.
The forthcoming Channel 4 series Jamie’s Death Row Meals was inspired by reports that a murderer in Florida had enjoyed a calorific final meal of fatty foods including pizza, chicken gizzards and ice cream.
Jamie Oliver said: “American jails need to promote fresh, balanced dining options to killers on the day of their execution.
“Every year hundreds of men and women are going to the gas chamber without having tried home-made pesto or even a simple rocket salad sprinkled with pine nuts.
“Not only that, but in the unlikely event that they get a last-minute reprieve they won’t survive another decade on a diet of deep fried pig knuckles.”
Filming has already begun on contrived scenes where Jamie clashes with prison catering staff over their reluctance to push salads, steamed fish and locally-sourced produce to people who are staring death in the face.
In the show, inmates final meal requests are taken as normal, then ignored as Jamie whips up a healthy alternative.
Convicted murderer Roy Hobbs said: “For my last meal this morning, I ordered two racks of barbecued ribs, seven pounds of home fries and a two-foot hot dog, all covered in bright yellow liquid cheese.
“So you can imagine my surprise when a suspiciously plump English dude arrives with a ‘four-grain summer salad’.
“If this is what the world’s come to, I’m ready to die.”
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syzygy

18th November 2013, 04:58
Good one, Celadon !

Not sure if you posted it or where I saw it.
Crazy laws -- in Colorado it is / was illegal to collect rainwater. The idea was that you were stealing from those who had "rights" to the water-table.
Duh!! Where did they think the water would end up? Sold to aliens?

They have lightened up a bit:
http://www.ncsl.org/research/environment-and-natural-resources/rainwater-harvesting.aspx

Scary people.
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