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busby

16th June 2013, 10:00
I was once overcharged $600.00 by our phone company. Many complaints later I was still receiving disconnect notices. I involved the State Ombudsman, 6 months later I received 2 credits for $600.00 each. Woo Hoo. I should probably thank a jobsworth, (love that saying now I've learnt it).
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busby

16th June 2013, 10:03
Obviously I thought this was worth mentioning twice !!!
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syzygy

16th June 2013, 11:05
Funny story, Celadon, & thanks for keeping the thread going. 1400 is in sight !

However, it's an urban legend that's been circulating for at least 15 years.
Several variations here:
http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/zero.asp

Could have happened somewhere though. My first role as a junior programmer, well before those dates, was fixing code like that, usually in the middle of the night when the accounting programs ran.
And yes, the computer would crash. *
As this was written by the senior staff, my feeling was that the author of that crap should be hauled out of bed, not me.
Strong incentive to write better code.
They didn't take kindly to my suggestion. )-8

* So, that fellow's cheque would not have been processed because it caused the crash.
End of story.
Don't believe everything you read out there.

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/John_Gay

Lest men suspect your tale untrue,
Keep probability in view.


When we risk no contradiction,
It prompts the tongue to deal in fiction.


Love his epitaph:
Life is a jest; and all things show it.
I thought so once; and now I know it.


Cheers.
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celadon

20th June 2013, 12:02

You think English is easy??
I think a retired English teacher was bored...THIS IS GREAT!

Read all the way to the end.................
This took a lot of work to put together!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
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celadon

20th June 2013, 12:10
Thanks syzygy,

I had previously read a different version some time ago.

Regards

Celadon.
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chrise

20th June 2013, 15:19
Can anyone explain why we have one fish, a few fishes, but lots of fish?
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rossim

20th June 2013, 17:28
Talking of fish(es).
One you forgot Celadon :-
Place a plaice on the plate.
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rossim

20th June 2013, 18:00
.........and decide whether to eat it outside during hot weather.
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celadon

23rd July 2013, 10:30
SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR - True

A teacher at a West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."
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celadon

23rd July 2013, 10:32
A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Netto store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
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