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celadon

1st August 2013, 09:11
From the DM:-

THE mysterious humming noise heard around the world is dads attempting to replicate popular music, scientists have claimed.
Prolonged exposure to ‘the hum’ can cause dizziness and nausea, which researchers believe is caused by dads’ inability to hold a tune.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Initially we thought the humming could be high-voltage cables or atmospheric conditions. Actually it’s middle-aged men trying to remember how Sultans of Swing goes.
“Our research showed that the hum cannot be heard in dad-free areas, such as underground techno clubs, but was present near sheds, garages and garden centres.
“Even if a dad is not immediately visible, he may be behind a hedge tinkering with a mower while humming Summer of ‘69 which will then morph into an equally horrible version of Lady in Red.
“He may not even be aware he is doing it, or to him the atonal drone may sound exactly like the original record.”
Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “The humming used to drive me mad, but one day I noticed it sounded like a barely recognisable version of Blondie’s Heart of Glass.
“I immediately put two and two together, because dad always used to watch Top of the Pops when Debbie Harry was on. Now if he starts humming we make him sit in the car with the windows up.”
Father-of-three Roy Hobbs said: “I think humming is a very underrated art form.”
1411 of 1599  -   Report This Post

busby

1st August 2013, 09:16
Does anyone mind if I hum whilst I think about this......humming helps me think :-)
1412 of 1599  -   Report This Post

ab

1st August 2013, 09:26
If defined by lift to size ratio, might it be the oribatid mite, which can lift over 1000 times its own weight?
1413 of 1599  -   Report This Post

celadon

1st August 2013, 23:52
A little clue : it can pull 100,000 times its own body weight.
1414 of 1599  -   Report This Post

ab

2nd August 2013, 01:24
If creatures include microbes then it may be the gonorrhoea bacterium which can do this. Had to look up its name which I think is neisseria gonorrhoeae,
1415 of 1599  -   Report This Post

syzygy

2nd August 2013, 03:09
Perhaps one of the sages can answer this fellow's question:

http://www.crosswordsolver.org/forum/361553/longest-tunnel
1416 of 1599  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th August 2013, 10:04
Correct ab. Well done.

Todays poser:-

Who served their guests tortoise, rat and mouse on toast?

The tunnel question - who actually knows?
1417 of 1599  -   Report This Post

kilowatt

5th August 2013, 10:11
William Buckland , Dean of Westminster. As you can probably guess, he was a bit eccentric.
1418 of 1599  -   Report This Post

rossim

5th August 2013, 10:22
It probably tasted ok as long as they didn't know what they were eating!
1419 of 1599  -   Report This Post

celadon

7th August 2013, 19:44
BONGOBONGOLAND last night insisted it has never received a penny in international aid.
The country’s president spoke out after UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom claimed all of Britain’s £11bn aid budget was being sent to the small west African nation.
President Brian Inkatwe said: “We get by on our own. I think it’s because no-one actually believes we exist.
“I have written to the UN on several occasions asking them if they could give us advice on starting a rural banking scheme, but every time they write back and tell me that the phrase ‘Bongobongoland’ is horribly racist and that I should stop wasting their time.
“Some aid would be nice as our economy has suffered since Chinese factories started pumping out cut price bongos.”
Bongobongoland sits between Liberia and the Ivory Coast and was a British colony until 1959. When it was granted independence everyone in Britain assumed the news reports referred to the entire African continent.
President Inkatwe added: “Our neighbours in Liberia receive some aid money and as far as I can tell most of it does actually get spent on making people’s lives just a tiny bit better. Not as good as yours or Godfrey Bloom’s obviously, but just not horrible all the time.
“No doubt some of it gets siphoned off and spent on fancy sunglasses, but people are shits wherever you go.
“Except Britain of course. Everyone in Britain is just fucking brilliant.”
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