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celadon

30th October 2012, 07:45
If you are ever in IKEA.......

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0
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celadon

31st October 2012, 19:58
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft high fibre candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'
and you're not wearing one.

5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...' and you can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.


2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighbourhood with a walker.


1. You keep having to go home to pee.


No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.
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pastille

31st October 2012, 22:12
Well...sitting here knee deep in tooth rotting sweeties, plus Halloween cupcakes....not one " guiser".


Jimmy Saville has got even more to answer for...

Off to have a gummy body part mmmwaahaha....
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celadon

2nd November 2012, 09:42
Crazy Laws - Missouri
It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)

Buckner, in this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.

In Kansas City MO, installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.

In Kansas City MO, Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.

In Marceline MO, minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.

In Marquette MO, it is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).

In Mole MO, frightening a baby is in violation of the law.

In Natchez MO, it shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

In Purdy MO, dancing is strictly prohibited.

In St. Louis MO, It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

In St. Louis MO, A milk man may not run while on duty.

In University City MO, Four women may not rent an apartment together.
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celadon

8th November 2012, 10:50
Signs:

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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celadon

8th November 2012, 19:56
Back to posers:-

Only 5% of Stanford University graduates
figured it out!

Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word?

1. The word has seven letters....
2. Preceded God...
3. Greater than God...
4. More Evil than the devil...
5. All poor people have it...
6. Wealthy people need it....
7. If you eat it, you will die.

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trevor

8th November 2012, 20:03
...only clues 1 and 7 really work for me. (and i guess 7 need not always be true - pedantic or what?)
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trevor

8th November 2012, 20:03
...only clues 1 and 7 really work for me. (and i guess 7 need not always be true - pedantic or what?)
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trevor

8th November 2012, 20:21
oo, and question 4, i think we all know someone.
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celadon

15th November 2012, 08:37
The old ones are the best:-

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother !'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
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