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6th May 2014, 09:38
Yes but more to the point - how many MEN are currently receiving medication??
1521 of 1950  -   Report This Post


6th May 2014, 13:33

Had a bad experience with the fairer sex lately Celadon?

1522 of 1950  -   Report This Post


6th May 2014, 16:53
Just whipped though the dialogue and think I can neatly introduce a connection between the moon and this apparent ongoing battle of the sexes - "If they can put a man on the moon why can't they put all of them there?!" You will gather I am a female finley!!
1523 of 1950  -   Report This Post


9th May 2014, 09:26
THE Ukraine and Russia are to give each other maximum points in the Eurovision song contest despite basically being at war.
In a private call, Vladimir Putin and acting Ukrainian President Olensandr Turchynov assured one another that whatever massive bloodshed might ensue, the ‘twelve point protocol’ would not be breached.
Turchynov said: “We deplore covert Russian efforts to annex our nation, but we just love Russia’s Tolmachevy Sisters and their bouncy entry Shine, with its uplifting message that we are all as bright as light bulbs.”
Putin said: “I cannot rule out using nuclear weapons against the Ukraine, but there is no question of us not awarding ‘douze points’ to Ukraine’s Maria Yaremchuk and her perky ditty Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.
“I mean come on, it’s so catchy and just makes you move your hips.”
International military analyst Julian Cook said: “It is important to understand the East European mentality in these matters. When it comes to doing down the arrogant United Kingdom, they are united.
1524 of 1950  -   Report This Post


21st May 2014, 10:25
VLADIMIR Putin has compared Prince Charles to Anthea Turner because he is a ‘fragrant, middle-aged woman with no power’.
The Russian president thanked the Prince for comparing him to Hitler and said that like Turner, the heir to the throne was ‘every man’s idea of the perfect English housewife’.
He added: “Like Turner he is part of a great British institution, albeit one with far less power and influence than Blue Peter.
“And like Turner he had a troubled first marriage with his personal life splattered all over the tabloids, before he found true love.
“I just hope Charles and his husband Camilla have a more enduring relationship than Anthea and Grant Bovey.
“But most of all when I think of Prince Charles, I think of someone who was born to wear an apron and keep my house clean and tidy.
“I sometimes dream of being greeted at the front door by a lovely, demure English woman like Prince Charles, when I come home from my busy job of being a real man with actual power.”
President Putin said Prince Charles could ‘take a leaf out of Anthea’s book’ and make himself more relevant by appearing in the next series of Dancing on Ice.
1525 of 1950  -   Report This Post


29th May 2014, 22:07
THE virtue of wisdom has ended its affiliation with beards.
Wisdom and beards have been hand-in-hand for centuries, with gods from Zeus to Yahweh sporting luxuriant facial hair as a sign of their sagacity.
But the growing fashion for beards means that men, and Eurovision winner Conchita, are increasingly credited with wisdom they do not possess.
Wisdom said: “For millennia the world has known that if you need answers on the big questions then you climb a mountain, find a man with facial hair that tickles his nipples and ask away.
“But find such a man today and the biggest question he’ll be able to answer is which is The National’s best album.
“Which, while useful, isn’t really up there on the list of eternal verities.”
Wisdom has yet to decide which physical quality it will choose as a partner going forward, with glasses, eyebrows that meet in the middle and neck tattoos all putting in bids.
Beard-wearer Nathan Muir said: “I find this actually very unfair, because I do have a great deal of wisdom to offer.
“For example, I could tell you the top five dogging sites in Redditch right now. I think that qualifies me to call myself a guru.”
1526 of 1950  -   Report This Post


11th June 2014, 09:29

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this:

when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,

'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.'

1527 of 1950  -   Report This Post


11th June 2014, 19:17
From the D M.

AN Amazonian tribe who have no contact with civilization have predicted England will not make it past the first round of the World Cup.

The unknown tribe, who probably have no immunity to the common cold, placed a message in a dug-out canoe and sent it downstream.

The message, discovered by villagers in Fonte Boa in Brazil’s remote Amazonas region, states: “As the Jabiru stork follows the spirit of the river, the tribe that once held the golden orb will be led into darkness by the Roo and his magical hair.”

The message added: “Three-two to Italy and a nightmare against Costa Rica.”

The BBC dispatched Bear Grylls and John Motson to make contact with the tribe, but Motson ran screaming into the jungle after sniffing a massive orange flower.
1528 of 1950  -   Report This Post


13th June 2014, 19:12

A recent study has found that women who carry a little

extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
1529 of 1950  -   Report This Post


17th June 2014, 07:10
Just to balance it up.......

A blonde MAN shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
1530 of 1950  -   Report This Post