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Be careful what you wish for, Busby.

A man was riding his Harley near Los Angeles when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, The Lord said, 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over, thought about it, and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said: 'Your request is materialistic !
Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking - the supports required reaching to the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for such worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought really hard about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives.
I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

There was a long silence ...
Then the Lord replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge'?

Love it Syzygy.

Court records No. 3.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

Sounds like someone I know ;-)

I guess we've all been there:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-nOt2upW5E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixqzXskr2aE

I will probably get flamed.

At least I wont be alone :-)

A golden oldie:
http://www.arts-stew.com/humor-2/monday-shorts-8/attachment/man-woman-control-panel/

At least, that's the apocryphal view. Perhaps a reciprocal approach would do wonders. Think about it.

Google it. How the heck did we manage before ?

British version of syzygy's joke.

Prince Charles decides to take some of the corgis out for a walk in Green Park. He lets them off the lead for a run about. One of the corgis shoots straight out of the park, onto the Mall and right in front of a car which promptly flattens it. HRH manages to scrape the corgi off the wheel of the car but is distraught "what is Mummy going to say? No chance of her abdicating now. Oh dear. Help me, someone!"

Suddenly...zap, pow, a genie appears and explains to ol' jug ears that he will grant him one wish. The Prince begs the genie to restore the corgi to life. The genie looks at the squashed carcass but regrettably shakes his head and says he cannot do miracles. He suggests Charles make another wish. The Prince asks "Can you make my wife Camilla look beautiful?" "Show me what she looks like",, demands the Genie. Charles shows the genie a picture of Camilla. After a moment the Genie says, "tell you what, let's have another look at that carcass".

Just to keep the balance (or are there no female readers)?


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Thank the lord!!!!
Always wondered how I've lasted this long!

From the DM;

People with National Trust car stickers are mostly drug dealers.

OVER 90 per cent of National Trust car sticker owners are career criminals, it has emerged.

Drug dealers confirmed that having the preservation society’s logo in your rear windscreen is the best way to convince police you are a harmless, sexless, nature lover.

Successful cocaine dealer Tom Logan said: “It’s like an invisibility cloak.

“I’ve got a white 7 Series BMW and frequently drive around Manchester at 4am, but I never get pulled because of the good old conker leaf.

“Or oak leaf, acorn leaf, I don’t know what it is to be honest.”

Heroin merchant Stephen Malley said: “That little sticker is the best £2.49 I’ve ever spent.

“I had one of the ‘God-botherer fish’ stickers before but it was just too obvious.

“In fairness I think the National Trust do excellent work and I would take out membership if I didn’t have to spend most weekends in warehouse basements repeatedly punching people tied to chairs.”