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celadon

29th January 2014, 11:02
75% readers will have tried to lick their elbow.


Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.
1491 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

20th February 2014, 11:03
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
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bernie

22nd February 2014, 01:31
I phoned an automated ticket agency to order some tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute act. They said "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready........."!
1493 of 1953  -   Report This Post

busby

22nd February 2014, 02:20
And 4 to go go go?

Could you order colourful shoes?
1494 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

22nd February 2014, 13:53
BRITISH oxygen molecules that drift into an independent Scotland must be sent back immediately, it has been claimed.
The leaders of the three main political parties warned that an independent Scotland would have no automatic right to use Britain’s sovereign gases.
Prime minister, David Cameron, said: “If the Scottish Nationalists think there is going to be a free flow of gases back and forth across the border then it’s obvious they know very little about the nature of gas.
“Gases like to stay put. In much the same way as water.”
Nick Clegg, the self-styled ‘deputy prime minister’, said: “I would prefer to breathe Franco-German oxygen. I also think that Scottish people should breathe Franco-German oxygen, I just don’t think they should be allowed to breathe British oxygen if they’re not British anymore.
“So, anyway, that’s what I think.”
Meanwhile, Labour’s Ed Miliband warned: “We’ll know if you’ve breathed our oxygen because, when we get it back, it won’t be oxygen anymore. It’ll be carbon dioxide.
“I used to be the energy minister, so I’m basically a scientist.”
Bill McKay, from Edinburgh, said: “Oh well, that’s that. You can’t just ‘make’ oxygen. Or maybe you can.
“I’ve really no idea.”
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celadon

23rd February 2014, 08:51
If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
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rossim

23rd February 2014, 09:35
If you hit your head on the way down?!
1497 of 1953  -   Report This Post

bernie

23rd February 2014, 10:25

bernie

23rd February 2014, 10:26
You may see one, the sun.
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celadon

26th February 2014, 11:59
Well there you go, even the Greeks have been proven wrong.
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