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25th January 2014, 19:19
The new commander in Afghanistan hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialized field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops. He wants to know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets the soldier there.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

That soldier responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No, not at all," replies the doctor. "This is the Serious Burns unit."
1483 of 1950  -   Report This Post


26th January 2014, 05:55
Loved it Kilowatt.
Took the liberty of pasting it into an email and sending it to expat English and Scots here in Oz.
1484 of 1950  -   Report This Post


26th January 2014, 08:28
You are welcome Busby, I copied and pasted from an email I had received. I thought it very apt on Burns night.
1485 of 1950  -   Report This Post


26th January 2014, 11:20
Nice one Kilowatt,

Shall sent it out to the lads in Helmand.
1486 of 1950  -   Report This Post


26th January 2014, 11:21
oops....Send not sent
1487 of 1950  -   Report This Post


28th January 2014, 09:14
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
1488 of 1950  -   Report This Post


28th January 2014, 10:02
Brilliant Bernie!
1489 of 1950  -   Report This Post


28th January 2014, 10:04
err...that was in response to your 1465 Bernie!
1490 of 1950  -   Report This Post


29th January 2014, 11:02
75% readers will have tried to lick their elbow.

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.
1491 of 1950  -   Report This Post


20th February 2014, 11:03
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
1492 of 1950  -   Report This Post