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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE
FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Overacting?

I want to get my Allegro car sprayed gold. Do you this this would be too Austin-tatious?

Two snowmen in a field, one turns to the other and says................


" can you smell carrots round here?"

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

Hello Bernie long time ,Hope all is well (the cured ham) looked at that this morning and had thoughts not to be repeated (overacting is genius mate)And as for the Parrots on a perch-must be 25 year since i heard that old chestnut. Cheers mate go well

Ps The clue the whole clue and nothing but the clue HaHa

Whilst we are on the subject of odours.

How can you tell if a clown breaks wind?

Something smells funny.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...