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20th June 2013, 15:19
Can anyone explain why we have one fish, a few fishes, but lots of fish?
1396 of 1950  -   Report This Post


20th June 2013, 17:28
Talking of fish(es).
One you forgot Celadon :-
Place a plaice on the plate.
1397 of 1950  -   Report This Post


20th June 2013, 18:00
.........and decide whether to eat it outside during hot weather.
1398 of 1950  -   Report This Post


23rd July 2013, 10:30

A teacher at a West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."
1399 of 1950  -   Report This Post


23rd July 2013, 10:32
A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Netto store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
1400 of 1950  -   Report This Post


23rd July 2013, 10:47
No wonder I can't understand English, and it's my "first language".
I feel sorry for those that try to learn English as a second.
1401 of 1950  -   Report This Post


24th July 2013, 05:22
re language: perhaps it takes a cruciverbalist to appreciate the oddities.
I've tried Xwords in Latvian & German, and they're rather flat.
English is my 3rd, & my favourite.

Some gems:
1402 of 1950  -   Report This Post


24th July 2013, 05:37
Old story.

A zoo's last mongoose died of old age so administrator wanted to order another. He decided two would be better so that they would have company.

First letter: "Please send 2 mongooses ..."
That didn't look right, so a 2nd attempt:
"Please send 2 mongeese ..."
That sounded worse, so finally:
"Please send a mongoose. Better yet, make it a pair."

1403 of 1950  -   Report This Post


24th July 2013, 15:23
Listverse, good one Syzygy.

From the D.M.
THE British winner of yesterday’s Tour de France is not Bradley Wiggins, it has been claimed.
Close examination of the winner revealed him not to be the only cyclist that everyone knows, but another person without sideburns, probably called Paul or Ian.
Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “When I saw that Britain had won the Tour de France, I yelled ‘Go on Wiggo!’
“But after a closer look I was like ‘Who the fuck’s that?’
“Fair play to this bloke I suppose, but I can’t help feeling a bit annoyed that I have to make room in my brain for the identity of another professional cyclist, one who even lacks memorable hair.”
Carolyn Ryan, who has an average amount of interest in cycling said: “Without a unique hairstyle he may as well be a giant pair of muscular legs without an upper body.
“Also, Bradley cycled backwards across the finish line in Paris while firing two pistols into the air and yodelling Jerusalem, then bunny-hopped up to the winners’ podium with a line of can-can girls.
“And then he rode through the night all the way back to Britain, arriving moments before the Olympic time trial where he won a gold medal and was joined onstage by The Jam for a killer performance of Going Underground. That’s how I remember it anyway.
“This guy seems like he probably enjoys pedalling more than having exciting fights with greasers on Brighton beach. He’s like Andy Murray, a bit too focused on his sport.
“Still, well done. I suppose.”
1404 of 1950  -   Report This Post


27th July 2013, 20:06
What do Paris and Slough have in common?
1405 of 1950  -   Report This Post