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celadon

22nd January 2013, 13:14
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning."
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celadon

24th January 2013, 10:05
THE future of high streets is as nostalgic ‘pre-Amazon’ tourist attractions, it has been claimed.
It’s like the internet but in buildings
High streets across the UK are being re-branded as Noughties Land theme parks, with a £12 entrance fee to ‘discover the bygone world of manual shopping’.
The themed attractions feature ‘souvenir shops’ including Virgin and Dixons.
Eleanor Shaw, a visitor to Noughties Land in Swindon said: “I just bought a Lighthouse Family CD reduced from £18.99 to £17.99, like my grandparents probably did.
“I keep looking at the disc, trying to see the music.”
Noughties Land manager Stephen Malley said: “Our visitors buy things purely for the novelty of the experience.
“They’ll pick a book at random and then awkwardly hand the assistant a bundle of notes, slightly afraid to make eye contact.”
Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “I used to hate these places but now I’m nostalgic for any kind of human interaction.
“Manual shopping is a great test of your verbal skills. It also proves you don’t have to do everything on computers, because the world is like a screen you can walk into.”
 
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kilowatt

24th January 2013, 13:32
It is so true, once busy shopping streets now the preserve of boarded up shops and charity shops.
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pastille

24th January 2013, 17:23
https://mobile.twitter.com/qikipedia/status/291935733386727426/photo/1

You might like the above.....
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celadon

28th January 2013, 21:07
Crazy Laws - New York
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.

A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.

While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.

A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.

It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

In Carmel NY, a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.

In Greene NY, during a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.

In New York City, citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".

In New York City, women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.

In New York City, it is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing."

In Ocean City NY, it is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.

In Ocean City NY, it is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.

In Staten Island NY, you may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
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chrise

28th January 2013, 21:11
At least I can now read a new post on this thread without having to remember how to shortcut to the end of the thread.
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tonyw

28th January 2013, 21:14
Something is better then!
I never had a problem but I understand.
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busby

28th January 2013, 22:45
You've probably had enough of these....but.
Does eating an English burger make you a little hoarse?
If you are what you eat it makes me "quick, cheap and easy.
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celadon

21st February 2013, 19:38
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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kilowatt

21st February 2013, 22:00
Glad to see you back Celadon. We've missed your pearls of wisdom.
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