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Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Paddy, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'

Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'

Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'

Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'

Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland .

Brilliant!

From the DM.

COLONEL Gaddafi has asked Tony Blair if he can stay in his guest room for a while.The Libyan dictator expects to be homeless or dead by lunchtime but would accept the offer of safe passage if the former UK prime minister can put him up until he gets something else sorted out. 

As fierce fighting surrounds Gaddafi's compound the leader was desperately trying to track down Blair on his mobile phone to check if the guest room had ensuite facilities and how they should arrange the whole laundry, food thing.

Amid the deafening sound of gunfire and mortar explosions, Gaddafi told Blair's voicemail: "I'm thinking either we take it in turns to do a wash or I do the laundry and you do the cooking."

Shouting until he was hoarse, Gaddafi added: "I'm not into this whole separate shelves in the fridge thing. I'll just eat with  you guys and bung in twenty quid or something, yeah?

"Happy to stay in the London house obviously, but would be great if I could use the big place in the country as well.

"I HAVEN'T PLAYED TENNIS FOR AGES."

But Blair's spokesman said: "It's always really awkward when someone gets the wrong end of the stick, isn't it? Tony always said Colonel Gaddafi could use the guest room as long as he wasn't under indictment for crimes against humanity.

"Plus, he's going to be away for a few days so... you know."

The spokesman added: "He's not being a dick about this, but Colonel Gaddafi clearly thinks they are better friends than they actually are. Tony is genuinely sorry if he gave him the wrong impression.

"It would actually be a lot better for everyone if he could just stop phoning us and get shot in the face."

A serious question, does anyone know how long it would take to read every page of this thread? (I have started on a couple of occasions, but didn't have the staying power.)

a serious answer saki. it depends on how fast you read. time yourself over one page, then multiply by whatever.

Hi all Here I am on P>O>T>D cant believe it
But Willsome kind soul retell me how to fiddle with the top address bar so I get to the end of P.O.T.D which is more interesting than the beginning
Kind regs THEA

Any success THEA?

Hi Thea. At the top of your screen you have the address bar, in this case http://www.crosswordsolver.org/forum/
All you do is delte anything tha comes after /forum/, and type offset, folloed by the number of the last thread, less one - which is as follows http://www.crosswordsolver.org/forum/offset/1167 that will get you to the last post.

Sally, if Thea can't get to the end of this thread, he wont see your reply. Hence my other thread.

Sorry Thea, got that slightly wrong. Start again! On the address bar you will have something like this http://www.crosswordsolver.org/forum/15502/poser-of-the-day. Delete the bit that says poser-of-the-day and then type in offset/1167 or whatever the number is of the post you want to look at, minus 1. Click on the refresh button on the right of the address bar and you should get to the last post on the thread.