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sallyw

2nd June 2011, 23:17
Like it Nimrod - so very true.
1131 of 1953  -   Report This Post

.

2nd June 2011, 23:56
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very
nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel,
climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by
three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut
the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd
learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel
and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the
Mersey


1132 of 1953  -   Report This Post

nimrod

5th June 2011, 16:38
A thought for Sunday:
Can God change the past???
NIMROD
1133 of 1953  -   Report This Post

hallgreener

6th June 2011, 16:19
Q-What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A-A short, stabbing pain in the rectum.
1134 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

7th June 2011, 08:43
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
1135 of 1953  -   Report This Post

rosalind

7th June 2011, 10:02
Yer wat, whack? (Scouse)
1136 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

8th June 2011, 08:05
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
1137 of 1953  -   Report This Post

brizzer

8th June 2011, 15:56
The three friends paid £9 each, total £27 of which the shopkeeper has £25 and the guy who went for the cigars the other £2.
1138 of 1953  -   Report This Post

bees

8th June 2011, 19:28
Hi Celadon,
Dr Johnson made lots of mistakes in his dictionary and we've been stuck with a lot of them ever since. He changed spellings because he was a snob who wanted to make words look like they derived from Latin or Greek.
He perverted the etymon!
1139 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

9th June 2011, 09:16
A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?" 


Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."   The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.  He prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"

Tyrone answered, "I don't know, Man.  It ain't 'til next week."
1140 of 1953  -   Report This Post