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Hello syzygy, My message was meant to be a funny response to celadon's suggestion that I wouldn't like the joke. I did and my reply was an attempt to continue with the humour. Sorry you were unable to spot it. By the way, I'm not an alien! What a pity you had to be nasty.

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

Can anybody help out with a copy of ' Heros' Cyclic Quadrilateral formula ?

Hero's formula and proof derived from CQs is here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heron%27s_formula

Thanks for that ab.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whisky over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends!

Beware of all forms of dihydrogen monoxide too - see:
http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but he lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He instinctively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry." the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens. After she pays for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ...and stay for breakfast.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The man is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said." You are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every man you meet?"
"No," she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye."

From the DM.

THE producers of Gogglebox have confirmed that the departing Michael family will be replaced with five hooting gibbons.

The family of apes, housed in a spacious semi-detached with flowery wallpaper, will be filmed screeching and throwing faeces at a clips of various popular shows and news stories.
Producer Carolyn Ryan said: “Viewers are going to love gibbon patriarch Martin, who’s very much the dominant male who hisses and bares his teeth whenever Huw Edwards is on.
“Mum Jenny likes to sit close to the screen and pick imaginary mites off Danny Dyer during EastEnders, and the kids spend most of their time swinging around on the light fixtures and screaming.
“Plenty there for your average Gogglebox viewer to identify with.”
Martin the gibbon said: “I’m looking forward to the Downton Christmas special, though it does anger me that my wife submissively offers her inflamed hindquarters whenever Lord Grantham is on screen.
“We’re working on our own catchphrase and the favourite so far is WHOOPWHOOPWHOOOOOTWHOOPWHOOOOOOT, which we intend to use while watching Strictly.”
“If all goes well we’re hoping to work with Attenborough. The guvnor.”
If the gibbons prove popular then producers plan to introduce more animal families, with 400,000 termites already lined up to share their thoughts on The Great British Bake-Off.

The Haircut

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”


You're going to love the Dad's reply:








“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went ?”.......