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Celadon, stop exaggerating, unless a man has a bathroom all to himself he nicks the soap and toothpaste that the woman has provided - the number is four!

How many keep to their own towels? ........down to three!

How many people actually want the free Prince George calendar given with every copy of the Daily mail last Saturday?

Sorry Susan you won't like this one........

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning; "Windows frozen, won't open.”

Husband texts back; "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts husband back 5 minutes later; "The Computer screen has gone black, what do I do now.?”

I don't think Susan will be alone.......

See if I can guess your age elle.....

Choose a number from 1 to 10
Multiply it by 2
Add 5
Multiply x 50
Add 1764
Subtract the year that you were born
You now should have 3 numbers; the 1st is your chosen number; the remainder is your age.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

'I got a cook book once', said the first, 'but I could never do anything with it.'

'Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?' asked the second.

You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and...'

BRITAIN’S cigarette addicts have confirmed that no amount of bad weather will stop them inhaling carcinogens.
With snow and sub-zero winds predicted, smokers said they would be having their fag break even if there is a cyclone with cows and buildings swirling around in it.
Sales co-ordinator Stephen Malley said: “I’m in that office for hours at a time, staring at a computer screen, hating everything about the day.
“So if you think a bit of rain, thunder or a mild blizzard will stop me going outside for a smoke, you are very much mistaken.
“And if you think I should maybe try an electronic cigarette instead, I would suggest you maybe switch to decaffeinated coffee. Yeah.”
Hospital patient Nikki Hollis agreed: “Major surgery hasn’t stopped me from enjoying hourly gaspers in the bus shelter, so I’m damned if something as paltry as 16 feet of snow is getting in my way. I am literally burning my way through all obstacles.”
Non-smoker Roy Hobbs said: “I might be likely to live a lot longer than them, but I wish I had something in my life I was that passionate about.
“They are, in their modest way, heroes.”

Hello Celadon, just spotted post number 1637. He he, ho ho, what a dopey husband! Both the wife's texts indicate she was having computer trouble. I can't see any comment indicating she responded to his very silly suggestion that she use lukewarm water to fix it. She obviously preserved his dignity by ignoring his advice, rather than let him know he was being a very silly billy. Assuming her husband hadn't gone completely and utterly barmy, she proceeded to update him on the serious, possibly terminal condition of her computer. What a sweet little story!

Good luck, Celadon. (-;

Did you ever see the film "Alien" ?
I don't think the concept of humour arose there either.