robtherich
22nd December 2009, 13:57
Yes, a great guffaw - much needed.
Blessed are the laugh-makers. To them: Happy Christmas
Blessed are the laugh-makers. To them: Happy Christmas
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john (from arran)
23rd December 2009, 14:57
MATERIALISM RULES
A man parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off again.
More than a little distraught, he grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After he finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:
"I can't believe how materialistic you are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the man.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"
The man looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!! he screams........
".... Where's my Rolex?".
Merry Christmas
http://s813.photobucket.com/albums/zz59/styxlawyer/Xmasclip.gif" />
A man parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off again.
More than a little distraught, he grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After he finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:
"I can't believe how materialistic you are," he says. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the man.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"
The man looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!! he screams........
".... Where's my Rolex?".
Merry Christmas
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mark
23rd December 2009, 15:13
made me laugh that.
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ratdog
23rd December 2009, 15:49
just maybe ,the Hokey Pokey Is what it\'s all about
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john (from arran)
23rd December 2009, 17:41
I know we have all been having some adverse precipitation over the last few days, but it isn't always a bad thing. Here's the view from our house at sunrise (09:30!) today. If I get it right, it should also be a link to a larger version of the same picture.
http://i813.photobucket.com/albums/zz59/styxlawyer/GoatfellSunriseFull.jpg">http://i813.photobucket.com/albums/zz59/styxlawyer/GoatfellSunriseSmall.jpg" />
http://i813.photobucket.com/albums/zz59/styxlawyer/GoatfellSunriseFull.jpg">
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mark
23rd December 2009, 18:18
lucky,our view is someones shed.
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suziem
23rd December 2009, 19:25
Here is a very seasonal and topical wee joke, which J d'A may recognize as it was in the Herald a few weeks ago.
An American golfer arrived in Scotland in the winter, and asked a Scotsman, "How do you play golf in the snow? Do you paint your balls black?
"No" said the Scotsman, "we just put on extra jumpers"
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone
Cheers
S
An American golfer arrived in Scotland in the winter, and asked a Scotsman, "How do you play golf in the snow? Do you paint your balls black?
"No" said the Scotsman, "we just put on extra jumpers"
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone
Cheers
S
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coline
24th December 2009, 17:00
The Fairy on the Christmas Tree.
A couple of weeks ago, when I asked my grand-daughter to help put the decorations on our Christmas Tree, she asked, “Grandpa, why do they always have a fairy on top of the tree?”
Do you know, I didn’t know the answer, so I set about trawling the internet and couldn’t find any reference to it – I even tried Oddham’s Weekly News archives without trace. Then, in an 1866 issue of Lapland Times I found the answer!
Apparently, in that year there was an epidemic of reindeer flu throughout Lapland and all Santa’s reindeer had been struck down with it. It was Christmas Eve and Santa was at his wits end, not knowing how he was going to deliver all the toys and other goodies all the elves and he had been busy making over the past twelve months. He only had one half-fit reindeer, called Rudolph, who was anything like well enough to draw his sleigh and, naturally enough, Santa was most concerned that the elves should not overload the sleigh and cause Rudolph to break down as well.
The elves were all anxious that their batch of toys should get delivered and so they all kept bringing more and more sacks full of toys and Santa had to keep turning them away. So much so, that this was the only time in living history that it had been known for Santa to lose his temper. He berated all the elves and sent them packing with a few choice words – so unlike him – but it is thought his ill temper was born of his frustration at not being able to deliver all the toys and the possibility of upsetting so many children. Then, just as he was about to set off for his third trip around the world, a fairy approached him carrying a Christmas Tree and asked Santa where she should put it.
Santa’s reply was quite unprintable....................
But we all now know why there is a fairy atop our Christmas Tree !!
Happy Christmas Everyone !!
Colin
A couple of weeks ago, when I asked my grand-daughter to help put the decorations on our Christmas Tree, she asked, “Grandpa, why do they always have a fairy on top of the tree?”
Do you know, I didn’t know the answer, so I set about trawling the internet and couldn’t find any reference to it – I even tried Oddham’s Weekly News archives without trace. Then, in an 1866 issue of Lapland Times I found the answer!
Apparently, in that year there was an epidemic of reindeer flu throughout Lapland and all Santa’s reindeer had been struck down with it. It was Christmas Eve and Santa was at his wits end, not knowing how he was going to deliver all the toys and other goodies all the elves and he had been busy making over the past twelve months. He only had one half-fit reindeer, called Rudolph, who was anything like well enough to draw his sleigh and, naturally enough, Santa was most concerned that the elves should not overload the sleigh and cause Rudolph to break down as well.
The elves were all anxious that their batch of toys should get delivered and so they all kept bringing more and more sacks full of toys and Santa had to keep turning them away. So much so, that this was the only time in living history that it had been known for Santa to lose his temper. He berated all the elves and sent them packing with a few choice words – so unlike him – but it is thought his ill temper was born of his frustration at not being able to deliver all the toys and the possibility of upsetting so many children. Then, just as he was about to set off for his third trip around the world, a fairy approached him carrying a Christmas Tree and asked Santa where she should put it.
Santa’s reply was quite unprintable....................
But we all now know why there is a fairy atop our Christmas Tree !!
Happy Christmas Everyone !!
Colin
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robtherich
26th December 2009, 18:46
Fnar fnar!
Aksherly, I've bunged this response in only 'cos it's shameful to find Poser of the Day at the arse end of page 2. Now, at least for a while, it's where it belongs...
Aksherly, I've bunged this response in only 'cos it's shameful to find Poser of the Day at the arse end of page 2. Now, at least for a while, it's where it belongs...
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helena
28th December 2009, 21:41
look what i found lurking at the bottom of page 5, this is no place for a thread that has brought so much pleasure and/or controversy
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