The present Government doesn't seem to be getting much right this weather, so perhaps they need a rest.
Now, the other week, my Right Honourable Friend, The Joker, suggested that we need look no further that the Houses of Parliament to find Haverers in large number. We could take that one step further, and using the vast amount of wisdom on this forum, we could take over the government of the country.
I would like to be a back bencher, so that I will have plenty of space to lie down for my nap. I will provide my own duvet and pillow, at my own expense, so as not to fall into the trap of expenses fiddling. However, I would like to make some suggestions for your consideration:
Firstly, and very importantly, we should repeal that Act which forbids smoking in public places. Every restaurant, bar, bus, train and any other place where people gather, should be compelled to provide comfortable surroundings for the smoker. This can be built in such a manner that the non smokers are not inconvenienced. Table top intercoms should be provided so that persons on either side of the dividing wall can communicate with each other, thereby not interfering with conversation.
Crosswords should become a mandatory part of the schools' curriculum. No child would be forced to undertake physical education, or anything else that involved jumping up and down. Formal education should cease at age 12, unless the child really wants to attend school, and guarantees not to come just to make life difficult for teachers and children who genuinely want to learn.
On matters of law and order, we should adopt policies to please. For instance, to please the anti hanging brigade, we will not bring back hanging. On the other hand, to please the pro capital punishment side, we should bring back the rack. In addition, a new punishment consisting of a slap on the face with a wet fish should be introduced.
Able bodied people who illegally park in spaces designated for disabled drivers, should have their cars crushed for a first offence. For a second offence, the miscreant would be rendered elegible to apply for a blue badge.
The cost of fuel should be halved, so that people can buy twice as much.
We would need an Official Opposition. Perhaps this role could be filled by that nice person from Tunbridge Wells and Pastille's friend, Mrs Grumpy. As they wouldn't have too much to do, they could double up as spittoon emptiers in the newly created smoking areas as described heretofore.
Obviously, there are many more areas where we could make improvements, and your suggestions for these are eagerly awaited. Again, I think appointment to the various Ministries should be by self nomination.
What do you think?