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celadon

23rd March 2014, 10:55
France was still executing people with a guillotine when the first Star Wars film came out.
1509 of 1617  -   Report This Post

celadon

1st April 2014, 06:30
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"
1510 of 1617  -   Report This Post

bernie

1st April 2014, 14:39
:-) Guilty as charged!
1511 of 1617  -   Report This Post

celadon

2nd April 2014, 17:19
LIKE the ancient Egyptian city of Tanis, the south east of England is, at last, being wiped clean by the wrath of God.

Saharan sand is sweeping across Britain’s greediest and most materialistic region, erasing its temples of avarice and sending a stark warning to all those who would worship at the altar of Mammon.

Dr Marcus Brody, an expert in Biblical weather, said: “Like the sandstorm that consumed Tanis, it will probably last a whole year and will destroy much of London as well as Colchester, Basildon and, of course, Peterborough, the final resting place of the Ark of the Covenant.

“By caring for nothing but money and objects, the south east – and its pharaoh, Boris Johnson – have tested the patience of the Great Jaweh, or ‘Jehovah’.

“Now He is cleansing them with an abrasive substance that will reach into every corner of their souls leaving them as hollow, crumbling shells, staring forever at their greed and folly.

“So you should probably stay indoors today.”
1512 of 1617  -   Report This Post

celadon

9th April 2014, 09:54
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.*

BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK - "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ..

OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE - 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT,

BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION
ABOUT Mr. GORSKY TO ARMSTRONG.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.

HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR GORSKY":

IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE
BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,

"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

It broke the place up.

NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
1513 of 1617  -   Report This Post

bernie

9th April 2014, 10:48
Sorry to rain on your parade again Celadon, not true!
I saw this debunked by Stephen Fry on Q.I.
This backs it up. (scroll down to Folklore)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_11_in_popular_culture
1514 of 1617  -   Report This Post

celadon

10th April 2014, 08:32
Shucks another urban legend up in smoke.

However:-

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals ?.
Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
1515 of 1617  -   Report This Post

busby

10th April 2014, 08:49
So why was the contestant wrong?
:-)
1516 of 1617  -   Report This Post

bernie

10th April 2014, 11:17
The Gay Gordons?
1517 of 1617  -   Report This Post

celadon

3rd May 2014, 21:48


THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.
1518 of 1617  -   Report This Post